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"It was fun, but we were learning at the same time."
7th Grader, Courage Retreat

Parent's Page

ARTICLES AND WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE YF FOUNDER & CEO, JOE CAVANAUGH

Where have all the leaders gone?

This broadcast waqs heard on Minnesota Public Radio on August 27th, 2007. Leaders in business and government, Bill George, David Gergen and Sidney Harman, appeared together at this summer's Aspen Ideas Festival to discuss what it takes to be a leader, and why leaders are in such short supply. More information can be found at the MPR website, www.minnesota.publicradio.org.

Committing to Character

Committing to Character, Print-friendly Version(PDF)

What is character?

  • Character is how you live when no one is looking.
  • Parent Question: Do we challenge our children and ourselves to "be good" when no one is looking?
  • What happens when character is not infused throughout a school?
    1. Academic performance suffers.
    2. Incidences of violence and bullying rise.

Core ingredients to building character in young people:

1) Respect

  • Respect is the underpinning of healthy human relationships.
    • Parent Question: Is your child becoming a person that he or she respects?
    • Parent Tip: Here is a little test... Ask your child what they were like last year in school?
      • How did they treat others?
      • How did they treat the least influential or the weakest person in your school?
      • How did they treat teachers that couldn't relate well to students in your school?
      • Were they someone whom they respected when they looked in the mirror?
  • Respect Yourself
    • Instill a healthy sense of self-respect vs. self-esteem.
    • See both the good and the not-so-good in oneself. 97 right.
  • Respect Others
    • Sticks and stones may break my bones, but WORDS are what really hurt me.
    • Follow the Platinum Rule: treat others as they want to be treated.
  • Technology Respect
    • Parent Question: If your son or daughter has a MySpace account, have you seen it?
    • Parent Tip: When you are with someone and your phone rings:
      1. Let the phone ring and tell the person you are with that they are more important.
      2. Tell your kids to ALWAYS say, "Excuse me." or "May I?" when their cell phones ring. If they don't, take the phone away.

2) Courage

Sir Edmund Burke, "The only way for evil people to succeed is for the vast majority of the good people to do nothing."

  • Focus on the 80%
    • Parent Question: Is your child silent in the face of others being teased or disrespected?
    • Parent Tip: Create heroes - challenge young people to take a risk and do the right thing even when there is much to lose.

3) Humility

  • In their desire to build their child's self-esteem or design their future, many concerned parents help create a person not filled with self-worth but instead someone filled with arrogance.
  • Parent Question: Does your child think he or she is the center of the world?
  • Teach your children to lose. Losing is one of life's great lessons. How do we teach our children to lose well, hold our head high and shake the hands of the other? When one cannot bear to lose, often one cannot learn from their failures.
  • Parent Tips: In talking with your children:
    • Encourage them to see the possible truth in the other point of view.
    • Insist that they win and lose graciously.
    • Be okay when your child is not #1.
    • Don't call your child's teacher to complain about a grade.
    • Realize that there are always two sides to a story, not just your child's.

4) Temperance

  • This character trait includes self-control and self-discipline.
    • Being able to delay gratification will lead to success both professionally and personally.
  • Parent Question: Are you loving your children or indulging them?
  • Check out David Walsh's books on adolescent brain development and self-discipline. www.mediafamily.org
  • Parent Tips:
    • Hold firm to the adage "not until you do your homework."
    • Consider waiting to buy that new thing until the old thing really needs to be replaced.
    • Have a reading night instead of a TV night.
    • Encourage your son or daughter to find the middle ground in conflicts they have.
    • If your kid is under the age of 13, don't send them to a PG-13 movie.
    • Limit the amount of cell phone, Internet or video game time your teen uses.
    • Hold to your gut - never as a parent go against your gut - even if you might be wrong.
  • Parent Tips on Screen Limitation: These tips can apply to video games, TV, movies and computers.
    • Keep TVs and computers out of bedrooms!
    • Turn off the TV during meals.
    • Create a coupon system for 30-minute TV slots. If your children do not use their coupons, they can be redeemed for other events such as Valley Fair, a favorite restaurant, a movie with you, a new pair of shoes, etc.
    • Get the TV out of the focal point in your house.
    • Think of getting rid of cable and going to Netflix/Blockbuster/TiVo.
    • Know what shows your kids watch and what video games they play!
    • Negotiate when and how much screen time your kids can have - set limits.

How are the children?

  • Adults from the Masai tribe from Tanzania greet each other by saying:
    • "How are your children?"
    • "The children are fine" means that you are doing your job as a parents and as an adult in the tribe.
  • General tips for adults to connect with kids:
    • Surprise the teenage server at a restaurant with an extra tip.
    • At the Target checkout, spend seven more seconds asking the teenage employee what school he/she attends.
    • Ask the kid behind you at the coffee joint, "What do you want? I'm buying."
    • Receive any weird looks as a badge of pride.
    • Never walk by a young person without saying hello.

Articles from Youth Frontiers