“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” – The Dalai Lama
I was recently speaking to a friend who was sharing with me in a moment of vulnerability that he just can’t do it all. He feels he is “failing at everything right now” — being a dad, husband, employee, etc. He is not doing anything well — or at least at the level he expects of himself.
My 19-year old niece, Victoria, adopted from Russia at age 7, loves to watch the show CSI. She wants to work in criminal justice someday. She is currently in the law enforcement track at Normandale College and hopes that one day she will wear the uniform of a law enforcement agent.
Steven Covey, author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, describes people like Victoria who set a goal and do the necessary things to get there. His Habit Two – begin with the end in mind – describes the ability to envision in your mind what you cannot at present see. If you don’t make a conscious effort to visualize who you want to be and what you want, then you let other people and circumstances shape your life by default.
This idea – begin with the end in mind – can be applied to our current situation as we shelter in place during the pandemic. It forces us to take a different perspective.
“Don’t worry about a thing … cause every little thing is gonna be alright.” — Bob Marley
I remember the day, nine years ago, we took my father, who had struggled for three years with Alzheimers, for a short-term stay at the hospital. His care had grown beyond the scope of my 78-year-old mother. This change put my family in high-stress mode and there was much to worry about.
During admittance, the nurse asked my father the standard question, “Is there anything dangerous in your house?” Without missing a beat, my father answered, “Yes. My wife’s cooking.” My dad, sensing the gravity of the situation, never lost his sense of humor. He looked at me and said, “Don’t worry, Joe. Everything will be alright.”
“When I don’t have red, I use blue.” — Pablo Picasso
Pablo Picasso was a painter, sculptor, designer and the founder of Cubism. His lasting influence on modern art is indisputable. His famous Blue Period lasted from 1901-1904 and is characterized by a monochromatic color scheme saturated with blue tones. Here is his most famous work during his Blue Period: The Old Guitarist.
At first, these somber, depressing paintings of cabaret performers, beggars, and frail, old people were not well-received by critics or the public. But Picasso didn’t give up. He had the last laugh. The Old Guitarist is now worth $100 million.
B.Q. (Before Quarantine), one of my favorite ways I “painted with red” as the YF culture leader was to walk around our office and pop into people’s workspaces and chat. This in-person connection gave me energy, fuel and meaning. It also helped humanize our company culture. That red paint is no longer available. Working from home now, I need to “paint with blue” to connect with staff in virtual ways via zoom meetings, phone calls and brief, affirmational texts.
“We need a worldview to navigate this chaotic time. We cannot hope to make sense using our old maps.” — Margaret Wheatley, American writer
Hanging in my living room is a beautiful tapestry of a medieval world map. I like its muted colors, Latin script, and fine details, but its depiction of world geography is all wrong. Some continents are the wrong shape and some oceans are too small. If we used this map today to circumnavigate the world, we’d shipwreck many times over and never get to where we need to go.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl
Youth Frontiers’ mission around character and community is as important as ever. Maybe even more so … As our typical daily life is being upended, and our way of being in community is changed, we have the opportunity — and the moral obligation — to show young people the importance of rising up to embrace character. We must show our children what is noble, what is good, what living with character looks like in times of difficulty and suffering. This is not only good for our larger community; it is also good for our children’s sense of well-being.
“There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.” — Fred Rogers
In this time of social distancing, it can be tempting to forget about the concerns of others and focus instead on self-preservation. Many of us are trying to regain our sense of security by shoring up all of our resources — money, food, supplies, attention … even as our patience for loved ones in close quarters may be running out. This is an understandable response, yet it is a poor way to live. If left unchecked, we’re in danger of becoming a mean and miserly people.
“It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom. It was the age of foolishness … It was the spring of hope. It was the winter of despair.”
Charles Dickens understood the complexities of life and the character that surfaces during times of adversity as described in his classic, “A Tale of Two Cities.” Great stress reveals the best and the worst of our humanity; it exposes our innate fears and challenges the resilience of our hope.
At Youth Frontiers, it’s our mission to positively impact school communities through our retreats. One wonderful part of our job is that the same students we reach often impact us in turn. For our staff, these students and their stories are unforgettable. In this series, we remember them.
This is a story of a student and his display of courage.
I remember Anthony.
Anthony was an eighth grader who was so excited about the day. He was running up to myself and other facilitators giving us high-fives, he was dancing in front of his entire class. He was just an awesome, really fun guy.
And so I was really surprised to learn that he was one of the number one targets at his school.
And I was more surprised when Anthony got up to share at the end of his Courage Retreat.
He said, “Hi, my name is Anthony, and my Act of Courage is to be myself and to quit trying to impress you all so much.
I know you all egg me on to make some really dumb choices and you push me around. I hear the names that you call me. And, I know that you say ‘you’re just kidding’, but honestly, you have no idea how much they impact me.
You have no idea how much courage it takes for me just to get up and come to school everyday.
So, I’m going to ask you all to please quit and I’m just going to be myself. I hope that you respect that.”
I mean for a solid minute. People just sat there with their heads down. Some people started to cry.
I don’t think anybody realized how much their words were impacting and hurting Anthony until he got up and shared his Act of Courage that day.
Coolest thing was that after he shared, old friends of his got up and they apologized to him for being a part of what was making his life so miserable at school.
And by the end of the day, there was that big smile on Anthony’s face again. But, we knew at that point that it was the real deal. It was a real smile.
He felt heard. He felt seen.
It was an amazing day. I’ll never forget, Anthony.
This year, on The Character Movement, we are trying something new. We’ll be delving into one of our retreat values each month, examining it on our blog and in our Character Challenges. This month’s theme is honor.
I have always been fascinated by Ben Franklin. In his book, “The Autobiography of Ben Franklin,” he shares the story of the “Analogy of the Fog.” Franklin asks us to picture ourselves walking down a road on a foggy night. The people we see on the road far ahead of us and far behind us are wrapped in fog. But near us — no fog; all is clear, or so it seems … In Franklin’s own words, “though in truth, we are as much in the fog as any of them.”READ MORE